well boyos and girlies. hope ye like our new website. will ye all do me a big fecking favour and anyone who is on the site will ye post on our forum. im not working at mo and spend all my days on the web so i promise i will personally reply to every post and if you have any problems im a very very good listener. think of me as your very own personailised agony aunt(uncle).
no problem is too small or too big. you could have an in grown toe nail(bastards) or you may have lost your entire herd of goats through dysentry i can help. also to the ladies. my three sisters are here to help with any of your problems be it girlie problems or your just ****ing ****ed off problems. dont suffer through silence.
many of societys problems today can be alleviated through reflexivity and conversation. remember we dont just want to be a band that offers complete audio satisfaction to your every entertainment requirements. we want to be your friends. if you post you will automatically become a member of the carny crew which is a unique opportunity. "we will treat you good"
remember my friends, bressie is here to help. call me
hi gilbo, the added stress of being late for work can sometimes off set a chemical reaction in the brain which may lead you to believe that you indeed are suffering from a headache but this is a psychological reaction rather than a psysiological one.
there are pre dominantly two things you can do here.
(1) ring your boss and tell him/her to **** off , you cant find the paracetomol and your not coming in, and sit at home and watch the afternoon show with blannad(the sexy beast) and post forum's to me.
or
(2) get a **** load of valium take a handful of them along with a glass of your finest bourbon and stroll into work two hours late and say that a bird pooed on your head. then proceed to tell your boss that he or she has lovely toes. you will after this be let go and hence you will never have to worry about being late for work again.
I sincerly hope that you are happy you came and talked to me about your problem and i hope i have helped in some way. remember im here to listen and please dont hesitate in contacting me if you have any more lifely dilemmas.
regards, bressie blizzard(resident psychologist of www.theblizzards.ie)
heh bressie blizzard, i dont really know you that well but i feel comfortable enough to ask your advice. my boyfriend keeps sleeping with his dog and i feel he is doing more than just cuddling. what on earth can i do. by the way where is your surgery would love to come in for a full service
hi ann. your problem seems daunting yet surprisingly common. its called the canine development theory. its where people get so close to their canine friends that they feel slightly attracted to them. there is a perfectly simple solution to this problem.
(1) walk up to your boyfriend dressed as a dog with your tongue out. as he gets within leg range let fly and kick him as hard as you can in the base of the penis and top of the testicles. this will work.
(2) call the ispca and ask for the animal sexual abuse department
thank you for posting and i hope everything works out for you. as for the whereabouts of my surgery that remains un-finalised as im still looking for a suitable location but once i have done this i will let you know and you can get your freaky little ass in for a full(professional) service.
regards. bressie blizzard (resident psychologist for (www.theblizzards.ie)
moff, there comes a time when you have to accept your own limitations. and as good as i am, im afraid my superior knowledge does not allow me answer that question. however i have been on to my colleagues in the jacobs and they have assured me that however its done its perfectly legal.
Bressie, It seems I get a burning sensation when I urinate. Also, when I eat sugar puffs I can smell them on my wee. Please help, it's very embarrassing when I pee in Ulysees, cause yer man can smell it and he knows it's me.
hello damo, its nice to hear from you. your problem seems quite mild but i can see where it may cause you some dis- comfort. i will be sure to alleviate this problem for you as soon as humanly possible. i would also like to take this opportunity to thank you for your lovely words regarding the tour with the band that i am employed in "the blizzards". its indeed an exciting time but i must point ouy that no matter what happens i will still be here to cater for any problem or advice you may require.
hello mixer, my oh my you do have quite a problem here, but a problem shared is a problem halfed.
first of all, do you have any erectile dis charge and if so what texture is it. (if green slim your ****ed get your willy cut off immediately)
second, have you consulted your girlfriend about this issue. its very important that she knows of this, cause, if you do have to get your willy cut off it may put a strain on your relationship
thirdly, i would not worry about the suger puff issue as 99% of the male population suffer from this problem. those damn things make your wee soooooo smelly but they taste so damn good. I have wrote to the makers of the brand and they have assured me its perfectly normal. just tell the fella in that pub that you eat suger puffs and he will understand.
on the above issue ring 1800-mywillyisreallysore and they can talk you through your options.
hello siobhan, im afraid im not really sure who the person in the white tux is as i found it extremly difficult to see beyond the lady in the black dress . all i know is that i think fell in love with her briefly but listen to me sharing my problems. how un-professional. im the agony aunt. if that lady from the picture logs on to the site i only have one thing to say............CALL ME!!!!!! (i make lovely soup)
I feel slightly embarrassed airing my ailments in a public forum, but I need to resolve this issue...I find that in my line of work (as a professional arm-wrestler) I occasionally bang my elbow adin the competition table. As well as being professionally embarrasing, I find that the event wholly un-amusing. Have a been born cruelly deprived of a Funny bone?
Are there any institutions that deal with funny bone transplants, because I am not happy with the apathetic bone that God has given me?
Best Regards,
Beany.
PS.
Maybe there is a medical reason for this, but I find that when I am arm wrestling and I turn my baseball cap 180 degrees, that my strength increases ten fold.
hello beany, what an un usual problem. born without a funny bone. im afraid you are a bit of a freak but in my line of work its incredibly un professional to judge. i also would really like to help.
this may seem dis engaging but there is a cure to your career threatening ailement. what you do is locate your nearest comestic surgery which also caters for sex changes. the hard malleable part at the base of the penis (when erect) can also be used as a funny bone. you approach one of the surgeons that cater for the male sex change procedure and ask them to hold on to that vital part on the un wanted penis.
you then have a elbow transplant surgeon insert the bone into your elbow. it will take a few weeks to get back to normal but after that your embarrasing problem will longer amuse the spectators.
Dr. Bressie, thank you for helping recently with my smelly burning pee problem. I notice my esteemed gentleman colleague friend Beany has also wrote in to use your splendid service. I also see he posted up the Over the Top film poster starring Sly Stallone, but can you tell me for 10 points, which member of LA band the Red Hot Chili Peppers" appears along side Sly?
I'm an arts student which we all know is very hard and on top of that i find myself suffering from being too C.O.O.L (carelessly overindulged of liquir) I spend my days in bed dreaming about drinking, my nights in the pub drinking and when i do make it into the college(which is usually thursday) i find myself unconciously walking through the arts block and into the student bar where i indulge in the thurs 3euro drinks. Do you think I have a problem since this is the only time I haven't actually wanted a drink in the last 3 years and writing this has made me thursty - yum alcohol!!!
hello niamh, i myself was an arts studentn in ucd for 4 beautiful years and look where i am now. i went through all these problems that you have mentioned but came through it ,
however, if you are completly dis-orientated with where your life is heading there is a vacancy in the blizzards camp as a trainee groupie. this position offers many perks and a great salary.
send your cv into bressie blizzard and i will see if you have what it takes to become a blizzardette.
Thanks doc for the consultation this is probably the first doc encounter i have had without the cold hands. The promise of being a blizzardette is quiet appealing but if you need a nursing assistant in the surgery look no further I'm willing and able to get my hands dirty if needs be I would be completely under your comand SIR!
